Monday, October 04, 2004

Cheat Sheet Seranade

Just when you think it's safe to go back on the internet, The Drudgerino comes along and muddies things up.

Today's humdinger: Cheat Sheets.

You see, without a cheat sheet, George Bush isn't capable of speaking coherently off-script. As a result, his "homies" can't imagine that anyone else is capable of stringing together actual sentences, or (dare I say it?) paragraphs on a given topic without their own cheat sheet.

Thus, we arrive at [drum roll] Hankie-Gate!

You see, John Kerry had a handkerchief during the debate. Said handkerchief was "caught" on film as Kerry removed it from his pocket. (Framing alert - "caught" implies a deceptive attempt to hide it.)

Since the teeny-tiny web-friendly version of the film is a bit grainy, it's hard to discern exactly what he's pulling out of his pocket. This makes room for everyone's favorite media game - Conjecture!

Here's how it works:
  • Find someone you don't like.

  • Decide that you want to discredit that person.

  • Decide how you want to discredit that person.

  • Conjecture (aka start a rumor) in a public forum frequented by people who also dislike that person.

  • Watch the rumor spread like wildfire.

What's the conjecture?
That instead of a hankie, Kerry pulled out a cheat sheet. Really. That's what they're saying. They just can't accept a straigtforward defeat with dignity.

I knew a kid like that once. I've always wondered if he grew out of it. Watching this crew, I'm guessing not.

Hankie-Gate is particularly ironic, because, honestly, George could have used that hankie to wipe up the buckets of sweat he oozed as Kerry mopped the foor with him last week.

The better-prepared Kerry, on the other hand, didn't even break a sweat.


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